I'm Mike Jonesssssss

Good evening ladies and gents. It's after 2am on a Sunday morning. I should still be out now, but obviously I'm not. Oh well. Anyway, things with me have been busy. Right after I finished my semester, I started working. I now work at the movie theater on Harlem by the mall. It's an alright job. The pay isn't that great. But I get to see movies for free. All the people that work there are cool, minus the head manager and this one annoying smelly girl that I wanna smack the shit out of. And most of the customers are idiots.

Things that annoy me at work:

-People that get angry at me because we no longer have a Super Combo. They ask 50 times for the Super Combo. If you ask 50 times it won't appear on the menu. And don't give the "But we always get that" bullshit. I don't know what you always get and you sure ain't gettin' it today, so shut the fuck up.

-People that order a bucket of popcorn, some candy, and a Diet Coke. If you're not diabetic, there's really no point to make that Coke diet. Come on, your fat ass is eating a FUCKING BUCKET OF POPCORN. DIET COKE ISN'T GOING TO HELP YOU.

-People that can't find the theater they're supposed to be in. We rip their tickets and tell them exactly where the theater is. And if you didn't understand what I said, and if you didn't see me fucking point to the theater, there's a number on your ticket. COME ON ASSHOLE, HOW HARD IS IT TO MATCH A NUMBER ON A PIECE OF PAPER TO A NUMBER ON THE DOOR. NUMBERS ARE THE SAME IN ALL LANGUAGES.

-Polish people that give me an attitude because I can't understand them. HEY BOGUSLAW, LAST TIME I CHECKED WE WERE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WHERE THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE HAPPENS TO BE ENGLISH. I'M SORRY I'M FLUENT IN THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF THIS COUNTRY. IF YOU WANNA TALK SOME MOOSHKI MOOSHSKI GET BACK ON THE FUCKIN' BOAT.

-People that complain about how expensive things are. FUCK YOU. GO WATCH A MOVIE ON WGN AND EAT SOME POTATO CHIPS IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT. I TAKE THE FUCKING BUS HERE AND WEAR A STUPID UNIFORM AND SERVE YOUR ASS FOR MINIMUM WAGE. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU THINK IT'S EXPENSIVE. AND I SURE DIDN'T MAKE THE PRICES.

Things that annoy me at home:

-Sometimes my parents complain I don't do anything. HEY WHEN'S THE LAST TIME THE 23 YEAR OLD IN THE BASEMENT PICKED UP A FUCKIN' BROOM? HE LIVES IN THE NICE BASEMENT FOR FREE. HE HAS HIS OWN CAR. HE WEARS NICE CLOTHES. HE HAS 50 PAIRS OF NIKES. HE GOT 4 YEARS OF SCHOOL PAID FOR. I GO TO SCHOOL AND WORK ALL DAY. I SURE DON'T WANNA CLEAN WHEN I COME HOME. YOU'RE HOME ALL DAY. COME ON NOW.

-My brother. He smells like a wet cat that bathed in fish. And his teeth are so fuckin' yellow that if our power went out, I wouldn't be too worried about it being dark in the house cuz all he'd have to do is smile and the house would be brighter than hell.

-There's usually not much food to eat. HEY - HERE'S AN IDEA. NEXT TIME YOU GO TO JEWEL, WHY DON'T YOU BUY A WEEK'S WORTH OF GROCERIES SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT GOING TO JEWEL IN 3 DAYS. THAT WAY I CAN EAT FOR A WEEK. It's hard being so brilliant, really.

Things that annoy me about life:

-People that get sprinkles of piss all over the seat. IF YOU'RE A WOMAN, YOU PISS INTO THE TOLIET. YOUR ASS IS SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE SEAT, WHY ARE THERE DROPS OF PISS ALL OVER THE SEAT. DID YOU CROUCH OVER IT AND HAVE A SEIZURE AS YOU WERE PISSING?!

-Guys. So, I finally find this guy I like. He likes me too. Things are going good. Then he gets sent to boot camp for violating his parole. I CAN'T WIN! REALLY, I CAN'T!

-Creepy guys in cars that ask me if I want a ride. IF I WANTED A RIDE, I WOULD'VE GOTTEN IN THE CAR WITH THE FIRST ASSHOLE THAT ASKED ME 20 MINUTES BEFORE YOU.

And that's all I can think about to rant about for now. I'm gonna finish my dinner and go to bed. Merry Christmas fuckheads.